i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
