You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
