over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I currently don't understand fingers.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
