Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Drunk is not a location!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize