If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize