The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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