Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
try to milk me bitch
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