She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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