I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize