I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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