the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
