Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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