hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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