I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
