I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
