I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
