Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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