you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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