My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
