I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
