listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
