Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
