two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
