I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize