ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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