Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
