I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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