That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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