So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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