I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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