Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
