We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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