i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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