don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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