Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
