check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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