so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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