Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
