I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
