just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
