Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
