I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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