is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
