i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
