and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
