Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
