how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
