I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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