"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
