So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
