I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
