dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
