i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
