You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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