420 ftw
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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