I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
