Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
