Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
