We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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