he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
