Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
