very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
