Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Someone shattered a urinal.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
