you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
