I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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