We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
