And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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