and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
