So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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