Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
