I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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