the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
