I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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