Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She told me I should be a condom model.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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